I was walking to an assignment at work when my phone rang. Not many people call me these days, and I’m OK with that since I really don’t like talking on the phone. However, when I do get a call that isn’t my wife, one of my kids, or a friend, it’s highly likely that call will identify as “Spam Risk” on the caller ID.
Most people ignore these calls, and rightly so. However, I like to entertain myself, so I usually answer them if I am not doing something important1.
So the phone rings, I’m just leaving my office to make the ten minute walk to my assignment, so I answer.
Caller: Hello, this is George, from the Medicare Department. We are calling to make sure you have received your new card. Do you have Medicare, sir?
Me (changing voice to sound old, dumb, and confused): Medicare? I need that for my pills!
Caller: Yes sir, Medicare. Do you have a Medicare card?
Me: Yes! I use it for my pills!
Caller: Can you get your Medicare card for me, to make sure you have a new one?
Me: New one? I need a new one? I’ve had this for years! I need it to buy my pills!
Caller: Well, can you tell me what card you have? Is it red, blue, ….
Me: It’s blue and white! I need to use it today to buy my pills!
Caller: Ok sir, you need a new card.
Me: What card?
Caller: Your Medicare card. Sir, can you confirm …
Me: Medicare? I need that for my pills!
Caller: I understand sir, can you confirm your address for me? [Reads address]
Me: Oh, no, I haven’t lived there for years.
Caller: Okay, can I have your new address?
Me: Sure! 1313 Mockingbird Lane, Watertown, NY 13606.
Caller: Ok. Can you now confirm for me who your doctor is?
(at this point I’m almost to my destination, so I have to wrap this up)
Me: Sure, I’ll spell his last name. It’s D-O-Y…
Caller: Hold on sir - D-O-Y…
Caller: Wait, please slow down, let me confirm . . . . D-O-Y-O-U-T-H-I-N-K-I-A…
Me: D-O-Y-O-U-T-H-I-N-K-I-A-M-S-T-U-P-I-D. Let me say it for you - Do you think I am stupid?
Caller: Uh…why are you wasting my time?
Me: Why are you wasting my t…
He hung up.
But thankfully, my phone rang again. I didn’t have much time, but I couldn’t resist, since he cut me off.
Automated Voice: This is Amazon, we are calling because you have suspicious activity on your account in the amount of $1500. Please hold so we can discuss with you.
Caller: Thank you for calling Amazon, this is James. We have noticed suspicious…
Me: Do you think I am stupid? Why are you wasting my time?
Me: It’s a simple question James.
And he hung up.
I’ll get ‘em next time. I’m sure they’ll call again.
Or if my wife is around. She, rightly so, finds what I do to spam calls to simply be a waste of time, and by answering them, I’m only giving them permission to keep calling me.